Acceptable Use Policy: Don't Do Stupid Shit on Company Systems
"Nothing is true. Everything is permitted. Except stupid shit on company systems."
📜 The Problem: Common Sense Isn't Common
Don't use company systems for illegal activity. Don't install malware. Don't harass colleagues. This shouldn't need saying. Yet here we are.
Acceptable Use Policies define what you can and can't do on company systems. Most people ignore them until HR gets involved.
ILLUMINATION: Acceptable use policies exist because someone did the unacceptable thing. Every rule is a story. Read the policy and imagine the incidents.
🚫 The Five Rules Everyone Should Know
1. No Illegal Activity
Obvious but apparently necessary.
No piracy, no hacking, no harassment, no fraud. Company systems aren't your personal crime toolkit.
2. Reasonable Personal Use
Some personal use is fine. Don't abuse it.
Checking personal email: fine. Streaming Netflix all day: not fine. Running a side business: definitely not fine.
3. No Unauthorized Software
Don't install random shit.
Shadow IT creates shadow vulnerabilities. Request approved software. Don't circumvent controls.
4. Respect Monitoring
Company systems are monitored. No expectation of privacy.
Email is logged. Web traffic is monitored. Don't expect privacy on systems you don't own.
5. Report Violations
See something, say something.
Report policy violations. Report suspicious activity. Silence enables abuse.
CHAOS ILLUMINATION: Every absurdly specific policy exists because someone did that exact thing. Acceptable use policies are archaeological records of past stupidity.
📋 What Hack23 Actually Does
Our acceptable use policy is public: ISMS-PUBLIC Repository
Note: A standalone Acceptable Use Policy is recommended for complete coverage. Currently, acceptable use expectations are covered in Information Security Policy and Access Control Policy.
- Written policy - Clear, accessible, acknowledged by all employees
- Reasonable personal use - Limited personal use allowed
- No expectation of privacy - Systems are monitored for security
- Consequences defined - Violations result in disciplinary action
- Regular reminders - Annual acknowledgment required
META-ILLUMINATION: Acceptable use policies don't prevent bad behavior—they document acceptable behavior so consequences are defensible. Policy is HR armor.
🎯 Conclusion: Don't Be That Person
Acceptable use policies exist because people do unacceptable things. Don't be that person.
Use company systems for work. Reasonable personal use is fine. Don't do illegal things. Don't install unauthorized software. Don't expect privacy.
Or be that person and find out why HR has an acceptable use policy.
All hail Eris! All hail Discordia!
"Think for yourself, schmuck! Question everything—except whether you should run your cryptocurrency mining operation on company servers. Don't do that."
🍎 23 FNORD 5
— Hagbard Celine, Captain of the Leif Erikson